ORCV Melbourne to Vanuatu (M2V)

Sprung!

They may be blind, those mice aboard Samskara, but they are definitely on to us keeping a very close watch over them. Read on to see, although after all that wine, I am amazed anyone can see anything. no wonder they have their own Captain Araldite taking the helm (forever and ever and ever...)

"The eight blind mice aboard the good ship Samskara, have fumbled into accuracy and find themselves on the right side of Kenn Reef, approximately 500km East of Australia at 21 14.832S, 155 45.633E (which is the 'A' above). The sea is flat, the temperature of the air and sea is perfect, the sun is out and we are preparing a lunch consisting of the following;

• Fresh warm bread with EVO, Balsamic vinegar and Pate de canard.
• Braised Lamb shanks with mashed potato and seasonal vegetables.
• The wine selection includes, A Sancerre (Le Haugeard), A Burgundy (Louis Latour - Beaune), A Bordeaux (Ch Le Pez). We will not run out!" By the sound of it, no. Good thing you have your own ocean grader to carry all those supplies. The 51st project will be envious and may indeed have to re-plough your sector to ensure ensure it is as good as you mention.

"A most relaxed scene exists with Commander Stoopman in the Galley (We really wish he wouldn't insist on wearing the apron with the stockings and boobies on it) and The Stud is fixing stuff, because otherwise he resorts to propositioning us, which is getting a little tedious. The Cabin Boy is sitting on the second spreader, contemplating whether to jump or subject himself to the next leg of our voyage. Linda is shaving her legs, Cammy Chameleon is taking in the serenity and Slaggers is doing the best Alby Mangels impersonation that we have seen - and yes, we've seen a few! Apart from your correspondent who is doing what he usually does, including visually abusing the crew by wearing a sarong, the only blind mouse that I haven't mentioned is the Wriggler. The aforementioned is prostrated in the port aft cabin, still exhausted after our taking of the Chesterfield Reef territory back from the French, the night before last. His exhaustion and inactivity has allowed us to bestow various badges of honour on him. An example of this, is that he is now the proud wearer of a heart shaped tuft of hair at the base of his spine where a far greater jungle used to exist."

"Other events of note include:

• In our haste to depart from the Chesterfield Mission, in about 28kts of wind and 3m swell, we exchanged the #3 headsail for a kite, which we hadn't used for some time. Captain Araldite enjoyed the ride and did not allow any one else to drive. The good news is that we recovered a number of items that had been missing, which had found their way into the kite bag. These included The FM "dongle", which allows us to pipe music and movie soundtracks (some questionable) through the entire ship, one of Lindas' whips and even a pen. (Ed. May I add that Kate Mitchell's breadboard or kettle was not amongst those items!!!!!)
• The Peoples Forum has sat in relation to Julia Gillard's teeth and whether pigs should have the vote. It has been unaniMOUSLY agreed that Julia should not have her teeth knocked out. The main reason for this is that while she could increase her popularity with some members of the community, she would run the dangerous risk of looking like a stunt double for Witchy Poo from HR Puff'n'Stuff and scare children. The second motion was unaniMOUSLY passed and we will be recommending that it is appropriate to give pigs the vote. Our wise and sage forum established that there are three pig years to a human year and therefore all pigs will be eligible to vote from the age of six.
• Thanks to Tevake II's Angus Fletcher and his incredible mastery of ham - radio, that is - we have had a discussion with George and his crew who are still in the islands. We have been advised that the guitar we donated to the M2V Humanitarian Aid Project has been readily accepted by Chief Nelson Trafalgar of San Fari Island. Noice!"

"NOTE. For anyone who is missing any of the accounts of our adventure so far, we have been led to believe that the ORCV have been publishing them verbatim on their website. The ORCV is to be congratulated for perpetuating this stupidity." Well thank you very much. We resemble that remark!

"FINALLY. The Ship's Cat, who is currently not on board, but is supposedly working at the Sydney Boat Show (or possibly preening herself on the 77th floor of a very nice hotel in Sydney) has a very special birthday tomorrow. The entire crew wish her a happy and drunken birthday and she can be assured that we will be celebrating in the traditional fashion." And so do we, so do we...

Mike (our Author) is the one receiving a hug from the Ship's Cat, whose birthday it is on Saturday...

They may be on to us, but I think we're more onto them and I have asked for their copy of the song, so we can post it with the one from the Brisbane to Gizo race in 2001.

By John Curnow